When a Longing Goes Unment

I wrote this post a few years ago on the LPM blog. However, just last week it popped up on my TimeHop and I said out loud to those around me, "It's so crazy when you read a blog you wrote over three years ago and you needed it just as much then as you do now!" So, I thought I'd wipe a little dust off the old blog and re-post it for you all. I hope and pray it ministers to your heart like it did mine.

Last week through twitter I happened to come across an article on singleness. (Let me say upfront that although I’m using that as a springboard, this post isn’t about singleness, but rather each of our different longings. Because let’s be so honest, that is one of many longings left unmet. Okay, I feel better now. Grin.) Before reading it all the way through I quickly glanced through bits and pieces and the sweet girl who put herself out there had mentioned that she was 23 years old.

A couple hours later when I had a moment, I actually read the entire post but realized her age had been removed. And then I got to the comments.

It was no wonder that she removed her age because the first comment that I laid my eyes on was from someone ripping her to shreds for writing an article on singleness at the age of 23. What did she know? They were 34 and had waited a lot longer. How dare she?

Instantly I got defensive for this poor girl because a) I know all too well what it’s like to put yourself out there to then get slammed by the people instead of built up and b) since when was there an age limit that we could talk about singleness? Since when could we not express our desires until we had been labeled an expert? I didn’t comment because my blood pressure was too high and I’m pretty sure I would have said things I would have later regretted, but here is what I know and I would have said to that sweet girl if I could go back to that post: The longings the Lord gives us are real. I don’t care if you’re 16 or 77, each desire and longing the Lord puts in us in something we have to lay down every single day at the feet of Jesus. It’s in the casting of our cares that we humble ourselves before the One and Only and acknowledge that we can’t bear it on our own, that ultimately, we need not just a Savior, but a Provider and Redeemer as well.

At 23 I thought the world was ending because no one had put a ring on my finger. It was right after college that I was swimming in the deep end of all things weddings because that was the age that I watched seven of my close friends walk down the aisle to their beloved. Every turn I took I ran into another wedding, and with great joy, mind you, but I was reminded that I too had a longing that had yet to be fulfilled. If there was ever a time I could have said, “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride” that would have been it.

Following that year, I’ve learned a lot about myself, grown a lot and matured in many ways regarding my present season, but I don’t discredit that year any more than I do this year. When we are vulnerable, I don’t think we’re asking for someone to slam us into the pavement, rather, we need to hear, “I understand.”, “I’ve been there, too.”, “There is hope!” “I’m so sorry you’re hurting.” and “You are not alone.” While I need people speaking truth to me every day and believing for me when I’m weary and tired, I also just want people to listen without fixing or listen without giving me their go to Jesus answer.

We know God is sovereign, God is good and God has not forgotten us when life looks strangely dim, but we also need a safe place to share our longings and not be shamed for feeling alone, or misunderstood. There’s a time and place for correction and truth, but when compassion is extended, even if we don’t fully understand, that’s when ministry happens. Heaven forbid we become people who throw the first stone at those who are trying to live honest lives.

Last week I happened to have a little more alone time than usual and in some silence, I realized I had let a handful of anxiety slip into unnecessary areas of my life. I was achy and although on the outside things looked peachy, my insides were a hot mess. Later on in the week after I had the wherewithal to put my thoughts to paper (which doesn’t always happen, by the way) and I was able to make some sense of the stirrings I continually sit with. The truth is, I know I can sound like a broken record, and maybe you feel like that too, but in reality, no amount of freedom, success, friends, right words, traveling, passions, sleeping in (all of the perks of singleness) can suppress a deep longing that gets left untouched. (This is true of any deep longing in any season of life.) That list of pros are things I pursue and do all the time, but it doesn’t fill the void where some true longings lay dormant. This I do know, some longings are to be placed at the feet of Jesus every day, it’s a faith journey and a trust walk that honestly gets more personal every year.

The thing of it is, when we entrust ourselves to Jesus, we don’t get to pick and choose how He develops our character to reflect Him. That’s where faith comes in. Trusting that He really does know best and do best. But at my ripe age of 28 (now 31), I’ve also learned that every longing inside of us, though we may not know it at the time, is a deeper longing for Jesus Himself. An emptiness He’s put there that can only be met by His love and mercy.

When we’re dry and weary, we really want Jesus. When we’re discouraged and lonely, we really want Jesus. When we’re hungry and searching for something, anything to sustain us, we really want Jesus. A day is coming when every longing we’ve ever had will be met by Jesus Himself. That alone gives us some joyful expectation and hope.

Instead of slamming an already bruised soul, might we extend some kindness and ministry to those that share with us so tenderly? Let us be the ones to remind them that God really does withhold no good thing, and if He is withholding something, as much confusion and pain as it brings at that time, it is ultimately for our good. We’re all deeply flawed humans just trying to get along with and love other deeply flawed humans. Kind words, tender hugs, and a chance to weep with those who weep goes a long way in a cruel and unkind world.

So to you who have an unmet longing, whether it be a husband you long to share life with, a child you long to bring into your home whether through adoption or naturally, a wound from a relationship that is still so fresh and you’re longing for the redemption of a bruised heart, a longing for a dream or passion to come true that’s laid dormant for years, a longing to do something you’ve been waiting to do, a longing to move up in your career, the longing to grieve something you’ve lost, whatever it is, to you I say: Your longing is safe with Jesus, and I pray you’re longing is safe with us.

You can weep for what has yet come to pass. You can be honest. You can rejoice when that thing for which you’ve prayed so long comes to fruition. You can talk about it in the here and now. You don’t have to talk about an unknown future. Sometimes the hardest question to answer when our lives are spinning is, “What’s next?” We want to know, “What’s now?” What is Jesus doing in you today in the midst of your unmet longing? How has he been faithful to you in the present? Here you have permission to be honest. You have a voice.

Because Jesus cares. Jesus is holding every tear. Every unmet longing. And Jesus is working everything out for your good and for His glory. Lean into him. Do what it takes to trust him, whether that means putting yourself out there or keeping it in the secret parts between you and God. What better time to remind ourselves that Jesus was THE promise to the people 2,000 years ago. The birth of Jesus, the Messiah, is a reminder that the people waited 400 years in silence and God was still faithful. Your longings are not foreign to Him. To you and to myself I will remind us, God is so faithful, dear sister. May He find us faithful in every season.


⁹ O Lord, all my longing is before you;
    my sighing is not hidden from you.
¹⁰ My heart throbs; my strength fails me,
    and the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me.
¹¹ My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague,
    and my nearest kin stand far off.

¹² Those who seek my life lay their snares;
    those who seek my hurt speak of ruin
    and meditate treachery all day long.

¹³ But I am like a deaf man; I do not hear,
    like a mute man who does not open his mouth.
¹⁴ I have become like a man who does not hear,
    and in whose mouth are no rebukes.

¹⁵ But for you, O Lord, do I wait;
    it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.
¹⁶ For I said, “Only let them not rejoice over me,
    who boast against me when my foot slips!”

 Psalm 38:9-16

It took 30 years to learn that?

When a rainstorm ruined each of our plans on Sunday evening, my roommate Cody and I tried to get a little bit creative. What follows is an example of what might happen when two bloggers get bored...

Side note: We only published the entire post on my blog, but you'd be blessed to visit her blog, too! You can see her always gracious words here: http://www.codyandras.com/

At 28 and 29 years old, we (Lindsee and Cody) made a list of 28 and 29 things we’d learned on our separate blogs. So surely, now that we’re 30 and 31, we could collaboratively come up with a list of 60. That's what we naively thought at 5pm on Sunday. As you’ll see, we only got to thirty, and that took us the better part of the Tony Awards. We're not sure what it says about us that these are our thirty life lessons, but we hope you'll enjoy.

1. It’s possible to survive without Blue Bell for an entire summer, but not advisable. (Also, Blue Bell is two words, not one.) 
   
2. Laughing diffuses every situation, for the laughter. (But not necessarily for those around them.) Laughter is either contagious or infuriating.
3. Cody has recently learned what Lindsee has known for a while, that there are song lyrics for every situation in life. (Special thanks to our other roommate Bethany for her impressive talent in this area.)
4. How to respond in the case of severe weather. (At the very least we’ve learned that it’s wise to know when severe weather is actually approaching. Shout out to our Dads who keep us informed!)
5. Boredom is an invitation to spontaneity. (If this joint post goes well, we may attempt more posts where we describe in detail some of our spontaneous adventures that were birthed out of boredom. #latenightlists)

   

   ...like, a Safari Park...

   
6. If God’s aim is to make us more like Himself, He’ll use whatever season or situation we are in to do just that. (We’re all in the same boat.)
7. We’ve learned to do our hair better now than in middle school thanks in large part to technological advances. (ex. The hair wand and the straightener. And we’ve also learned the value of a good hairdryer.) *We apologize for not having photographic evidence of said life lesson. Just trust us.*
8. Nails were created to be painted. (If you wanna know what kind of week we’ve had, just look at our nails. However, we tend be opposites here. Rough nails means Lindsee’s had a rough week; Cody finds a way to keep her nails shiny when nothing else is.)
9. Acne isn’t just for adolescents. (But we’ve individually tried every remedy known to man. And some we thought up on our own. We’re pretty sure it’s the 11^th plague.)
10. Honest Kids juice boxes aren’t just for kids. (Just being honest.)
    
11. We know how to be single. (We’ve been told we excel at it, unfortunately.)
12. Having friends in all different generations enriches life. (We love y’all!)
13. God really is a good, good Father. (Even though sometimes we forget that.)
14. How to efficiently hang things on the wall. (You’re welcome.)
15. Friends that will laugh with you and at you are good to keep around. (They keep you human and remind you not to take things too seriously.)
16. No one can read your mind. (Communication is key.)
17. Change takes time and even good changes are a little bit painful. (And we guess that’s okay. And maybe worth it.)
18. Rodents will not kill you. Neither will reptiles. (Actually some reptiles might. But not the kinds that we’ve encountered. Lindsee’s still working on roaches.)

    

    But still. Their place is outside. 

19. Vulnerability is risky, but it’s worth it. (That took us ten years to come up with.)
20. Homemade popcorn far surpasses bagged popcorn in quality. (And probably won’t kill you as quick.)
    
21. Good friends can have serious conversations about trivial and deep things. (It’s called balance.)
22. Asking the right questions makes all the difference in the world. (This is true of others and of google.)
23. You do not outgrow feeling left out. But you learn to behave better when you do. (Most of the time)
24. “Give credit to whom credit due.” Samuel Adams (See how easy that was?)
25. In case you were curious, it takes a massive jug of windshield wiper fluid to refill your car. (Can be found at your local grocery store.)
    
26. Sometimes it warrants a phone call. (When in doubt, err on the side of calling.)
27. You don’t have to know what to say, you just have to know how and when to listen. (No one is ever offended by your willingness to listen. We should do more of that.)
28. The schemes of the enemy are crafty, yet so obvious. His main goal is to get our attention off of Jesus Christ. (He likes it when our minds wander.)
29. Snail mail never gets old. (Message us for our address. And send us yours, too, please and thank you.)
30. A late-night bowl of cereal is always a good idea. (But a bowl of ice cream might be a better one. Speaking of…)

Bonus lessons from Bethany:

• Did you know that not every cloud has a silver lining? It’s the light behind the cloud that gives them the silver lining. We think there’s a lesson to be learned there, no?
  
• You can take a lot of good pictures by “just pointing and clicking.” (Don’t over think it.)

Now that we’ve over thought this post, goodnight.

School's Out for Summer!

Well, here we are again. My fingers happily typing on a computer that I rarely use to a say hi to a group of friends that I rarely ever say hi to. How rude of me! So many times I’ve thought about just letting go of my blog all together, but though my actions rarely show it, it really is such a happy place for me.  So I’ve resolved myself to blogging when I can and want to and that alone is freedom. Plus, who honestly wants to read about stupid things like missing an Astros baseball game when Craig Biggio clocked in with his 3,000th hit and my family was there to witness it and I was not because I gave my ticket to a friend? AND THEN I FELT THE NEED TO WRTIE AN ENTIRE BLOG POST ABOUT IT. That post was all of two paragraphs. I’m both humored and ashamed.

This evening I had that blogging itch, so I’m here to say HELLO and HAPPY SUMMER.

To paint the scene for you, it’s 7:00PM and I’m showered, wearing comfy clothes, have dinner ready, the CMT awards are playing in the background, and I’m not moving from one of those big white comfy Pottery Barn chairs all night. I’ve hunkered down, for lack of a better word, and it’s been a good while since I’ve had a night like this. I’m very happy.

Last time we “chatted” I introduced you to my new job. Well, I completed year one of said new job! 

This here is a selfie when I arrived on my LAST DAY OF SCHOOL with the students. It felt appropriate! 

Yes, friends, year one of teaching is under my belt and as of tonight my body has finally decided to be very, very tired. Turns out a new school with new co-workers and new students and new work hours and new commutes and new everything can be pretty time consuming and exhausting, so this specific finish line felt like quite the accomplishment! There’s still a little work to be done this summer for the next school year, but for the moment, I’m soaking up a slower schedule and a little bit more freedom. I feel like I’m trying to hold onto summer like the wind, which is impossible, but I’m so afraid of it flying by and not having actually rested for the fall. But I keep reminding myself that though it will fly by, there will also be rest! And the first few weeks always feel a little different as you find your groove. 

With that said, this first week of summer has been a blast! So I thought I’d share a little bit and, gasp, even add a few pictures! That’s my favorite kind of post anyway. The kind with pictures. (I do have some words I’ll probably share about my first year of teaching, but I’ll save those until they’re a little easier to understand and a little less mushy.)

May 31^st was my official last day of school, and after completing my end of the year checklist, I drove myself straight to the Galleria. I didn’t really have any goal in mind, but it felt like fun and freedom. Plus, the Galleria in Houston on a Tuesday night is a DREAM.

I did in fact purchase this top. I'm really into peplum these days!

Here are a few pictures of my classroom this year.

I got home late that evening and promptly fell into bed.

Wednesday I started my day with a walk. What you probably don’t know is that I also moved this year, and a little friend named Clancy was a part of the package. Clancy and I are the best of friends having so much fun together. No one loves a walk more than Clancy, and I’m satisfied with buying love, so I’ll buy her love through walks this summer.

 Currently trying to teach Clancy how to take a selfie. We'll just stick to walking. 

Later that afternoon I packed up and headed to my BFF’s house for an old school sleep over. We proceeded to use A LOT of words, play with Ellie and Jack, Grant cooked dinner for us, we had a glass of wine, and then she tutored me in all things Stella & Dot. Stella & Dot is a jewelry/accessory company that anyone can sign up to sell (kinda like Tupperware except a whole lot cuter), and after hosting a trunk show for Jen about a month ago, she convinced me to sign up as a stylist myself. Summer felt like the best time to do this as a teacher! So, my little business is in it’s beginning stages! You can browse (and buy) their adorable accessories here!

So that’s fun, right?

We went to bed late and I woke up the next morning in their guest room as a 31 year old. How can that be? I’m officially IN MY THIRTIES. I don’t even think I have a lot of words to say about that, I’m still in the early stages of thirties. Laughing.

Ellie somehow convinced Grant to go get Shipleys donuts that morning in which I made all of Ellie’s dreams come true. Again with the buying love thing. I’d do anything to make her dreams come true. We painted nails, ate donuts, facetimed Joanna and Charlie, and had the loveliest morning.

That afternoon I went to the Houstonian with my roommate Cody where we treated ourselves to manicures and pedicures. Talk about LOVELY. It was more like Heavenly.

My lunch view that afternoon.

Later that night I met my mom and brother for some Mexican food, because not eating Mexican food on your birthday in Texas should be illegal. My Dad and little brother were both MIA for legit reasons, so we’ll have a big family lunch this weekend!

Friday night I saw Beautiful: The Carole King Musical, which is now in my top five MUST SEES. Did you all know that SHE wrote (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman? She did. I know a lot of Carole King songs, but I was blown away by a few suprises I did not know she wrote. Like The Locomotion. Yep. Needless to say, it was PHENOMONAL. If the tour lands in your city drop everything and GO.  Early on in the show her character sings It Might as Well Rain Until September, which felt very appropriate seeing as that Houston is currently flooding and the rains keep coming. Thankfully we’ve had a couple of dry days, but for the love, we’re drowning over here. And we could all use a little Vitamin D.

Saturday evening my friends had a little birthday dinner for me at Tinys No.5 and it was DREAMY.  If you’re ever in Houston, you have to dine there at night. It’s romantic in every sense of the word. An added bonus is their cookies. You just have to try one to believe they’re the very greatest in all of Texas. Maybe even the USA.

Here's a little peek inside Tinys. 

Let’s talk about Sunday for a moment. It was a really great, full day until we decided to torture ourselves and see Me Before You. As my roommate says, I felt so sad inside. I don’t think I liked it. I’m very easily entertained and like most everything I see, and while I didn’t hate it, I didn’t love it. I’m curious how the movie and the book compare. Has anyone done both? Mercy.

This week I’ve had dinner with some coworkers, gone up to school to work a bit, worked out, grocery shopped, made dinner, cleaned my room, checked things off the to-do list and slowed down a bit. I’m loving it. 

The roommates and I might have even made a jar with Friday Fun ideas in it!

This summer break? Yeah, I think we’re gonna be real good friends.