It’s funny when I think about it, because as much of a homebody as I am and was, I also was never one to get homesick. If my parents went out of town when we were little and my brothers and I had to stay with friends I was thrilled! (Maybe that’s because I had no sisters and I knew I’d be surrounded by girls for an extended time.) But for some reason leaving for college felt different to me. I wasn’t afraid of being homesick (though I was at times), but I knew in my core that things were changing for good. I knew the minute I drove away bound for the next season of my life that most likely when I would return home it would be for brief visits or summers, but it would never be long term again. I was leaving what had been home for my entire life. I was leaving the people I felt most comfortable around. The people that knew me the best and loved me the most. And that felt unknown and scary. I think this is one of the most bonding things about college friends your freshmen year. No one cares who is who because everyone is grasping for the familiar since everything is so unfamiliar.
It didn’t take long for me to adapt to my new surroundings, and the longer I was in college, my visits home became fewer and farther between.
I did move back home my last semester to student teach, but things were different. Returning to the town you grew up in has its own challenges. At that point, three of my best friends were engaged or married and they were each moving out of state with their new husbands. It felt like I had returned to a foreign land. I didn’t know how to explain how it felt because at the same time, I was “home.”
I lived with my parents for a little less than a year after I graduated and then I moved in with a sweet friend of mine whose husband was in the military and was deployed for a year overseas. It was the perfect set up. I knew that Russell would eventually return and I would need a place to live more permanently.
Because God is an expert in knowing what we need, He provided two roommates that year. Two friends I’d known my entire life, two friends I’d grown up in the youth group with. We were never best friends since we were all in separate grades, but I knew that set up had great potential. The two of them were actually already in the process of trying to find an apartment together and they graciously let me join them. The three of us signed a lease and moved in together in October of 2010. For three and a half years we enjoyed our little life right out of college. I think each of us imagined that when we left that apartment it would be because marriage was our next adventure. For Michaela that was true! She got engaged in December of 2013 and Bethany and I started looking at places to live for the two of us. In 2014 we all moved out of our first post-college apartment and went our separate ways.
For the two years following that, Bethany and I lived in an apartment we both loved. Those two years were filled with the very highest of highs and the very lowest of lows. Break-ups, deaths, job losses and changes, travels, parents moving, binge watching tv shows, laughs, tears and so much more. As cheesy as it sounds, it was comforting knowing that when I came home, Bethany would be there. She was more than a roommate, she became one of my dearest friends and more than that, she became family. (My family even gave her her own nickname. For the rest of her life she'll be "Stebanie" to them.) Eventually we started functioning more like sisters than roommates. That even included the little arguments we’d get in.
In 2016 our lease ended and we decided it was time to move from suburbia to the city. (Where we lived most of our life anyway.) After searching for a few weeks, my good friend Cody, who I had met a couple years prior at church and been in a discipleship group with, had lived alone for the past four years and asked if we would be interested in moving in with her. (I could write an entire post on the faithfulness of God to bring me a friend like Cody at the exact time He did. She's more than just a "good friend." She's one of my best friends.) Bethany was about to leave for a three-week vacation and her only desire was to find a place to live before she left. Cody’s offer came a few days before that. Again, God provided exactly what we needed and even gave Bethany the peace to know we would have a roof over our heads before she flew across the ocean.
Between the three of us I was the common denominator. Bethany and Cody had met a few times, and for my 30th birthday we’d all traveled to NYC together, but I was the initial connection. I wasn’t anxious about moving in, but I couldn’t imagine how it would play out. More than anything, I wanted us to gel together as roommates and I wanted Bethany and Cody to become friends a part from me. (That is the hardest part about three people living together is that one person can sometimes feel left out.)
I can say with assurance that God did all of that and more. We all gelled together, they became friends separate from me, we traveled together, shared a thousand meals, we even all tried online dating together, stayed up way to late too many times and genuinely had the sweetest time living with one another. I don't think we could have filled these past two years with one more thing. I'll never forget the nights I'd get ready for bed only to walk into my room and see them both sitting on my bed. It felt like one big slumber party. (Side note, Bethany actually met Zach online the time we all courageously tried online dating together. Our home is a statistic!) I feel like the only reason I need to tell you it wasn’t perfect is because we’re human and flawed and can also get on one another’s nerves, but there was so little of that and so much grace in the home that it was close to perfect. I think I know how they felt about our situation, but for me, they made home home for me.
Bethany got engaged last August and for Christmas she gave Cody and I a Shutterfly book full of pictures and memories from the last two years, knowing that in a few short months she’d be leaving The 223. (How we often referred to ourselves.) Need I even mention that I cried? We all did.
2018 has flown by for a million reason, but our lives have primarily focused on Bethany’s wedding the past few months and we wouldn’t have it any other way. I knew April was coming and while I could not wait to celebrate her marriage, I was dreading her moving out. I know that sounds melodramatic, but when you’ve lived nearly eight years of life with someone, it’s hard, no matter how exciting the future is, to let them go. Especially when you’ve moved together every time the past few years.
The Friday evening before her wedding I came home, walked upstairs to set my stuff down and saw her very empty room. Immediately it put a lump in my throat, but I choked it down. I went on a walk, talked to God about all of my thoughts and woke up Saturday morning ready to celebrate.
On Sunday I watched Bethany walk down the aisle and could have sobbed at the faithfulness of God towards my sweet friend. I don’t say that flippantly, because while I don’t think it’s fair to label God as faithful only when things go the way you want them to, I do think it’s right to give Him the credit in moving each detail just so, so that Bethany and Zach could meet each other. He’s faithful no matter what because that’s His character. His death on the cross is proof of that. But to see God's faithfulness play out in that moment was overwhelming.
Her wedding was a blast, she was full of joy and peace, the weather was perfect, and everyone just enjoyed being together. I was sad when it was over but took a deep sigh of relief. Bethany was married!
Monday was the oddest day. When Cody and I got home that evening all of the feelings I’d stuffed down finally hit me. While my physical living situation had not changed, it was so weird knowing that when Bethany and Zach returned from their trip she wouldn't be coming "home." Cody and I both keep walking around saying, "It's just so odd that she's not coming home!" For the record, I'm extremely thankful for my current living situation. It's more than just a "living situation." It's home to me. Cody has become just as much as a sister to me as Bethany did. She's a gift. One of my very best friends. My family doesn't have a nickname for her yet but they have adopted her as their own, too.
On Tuesday evening Cody and I were driving home from Community Group and I was able to put into words what I felt in my heart. For nearly eight years Bethany was “home” to me. Just the way I had felt pulling away from my parents house to drive to college that very first time is the same way it felt to marry Bethany off. When you’ve walked that much life with someone, whether it’s your family or friend, they become such a comfort to you that it does feel like home. I don’t have a spouse, but I imagine, on a much deeper level, that's how God intended it to be. He created us for relationship with Himself and others, this I do know.
I can assure you that when we became roommates in 2010, neither of us assumed we’d live that much life together. Marriage has been a deep desire of each of our hearts. But this I know, in His kindness, God gave me something I never even knew I wanted or needed, a good, faithful, fun, sister kind of roommate for the past eight years. And that has been God’s faithfulness in my life. I don't know why I always doubt His faithfulness when I can look back and see His hand so clearly in so many different situations. So many moments I have spent wondering when that deep longing in my heart will be fulfilled, and at the same time, so many of those moments were spent being so content in this current season.
It’s so easy to play the “what if” game; what if Bethany and I had never moved in together to begin with, what if Bethany and I had never moved in with Cody, where would I live now, what if Bethany had moved to Dallas a few years ago like she had thought of, what if this or what if that, but it’s a silly game to play because God’s grace isn’t in the what ifs, God grace is here TODAY.
I am aware that not every relationship you have throughout life is meant to last your entire life. Seasons come and go, as do friendships and people. But I'm also aware that sometimes our friendships do span an entire lifetime and those are a sheer gift. A gift I'll never take for granted. I don't know what the next eight years hold, but as for today, I’m thankful for God giving us gifts we didn’t even know we needed or wanted, for giving us people that feel like home, for sustaining us when everything shifts, and for His presence that never leaves us or forsakes us. It is constant and unwavering. He is a good, good Father.
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