Four. That’s how many Word documents I currently have open
on my computer with unresolved blogs. The cursor blinking at me wishing I’d
just finish one complete thought. But it’s not happening right now so instead I
open up just one more blank document in hopes to finish just one post before
the New Year. Because then at least I will feel I accomplished something I've been thinking over all day.
The last day of 2014.
When 2013 ended I was not sad to see it go. I welcomed 2014
with open arms and quite frankly, high expectations. I had plans and dreams and
hopes and wishes for the New Year and I think the constant “It’s your year, I
just know it” comments towards me made me feel all the more confident about the
months ahead. I don’t always understand the “it’s your year” comments people
make, but I also am a glass half-full kind of girl and I realize that sometimes
people have to breathe courage into you by way of encouragement and I guess
that’s one way to do it. Plus, I’m old enough to know that when our faith is
weary, sometimes your people step in and believe God on your behalf. It’s a
really beautiful thing.
So here I sit on this New Years Eve and with everything in
me, I’m not sad to see it go.
In complete transparency, this year has been marked with
loss, disappointment, hope deferred, confusion, sadness and many tears. I
realize it sounds somewhat depressing, and I can even say there has been some
of that as well. Those expectations of mine, if you looked at the external,
were not met.
But what would be even more depressing is if I just let my
blog post end there. Because while that may have been my 2014 experience, I can
assure you those are not the characteristics of my God.
This I know, He is good, because He can be nothing but good,
and He is near.
I often don’t understand His ways, but I’m not made to
understand them. (Isaiah 55:8) No one can understand them. We were created to
trust Him. And I do. Despite different circumstances, He has proved Himself
trustworthy over and over and over again. I don’t always understand why He uses
certain events to teach us about Himself, but I’m thankful that He pursues me
to get through my stubbornness. I’m thankful He doesn’t leave me like He found
me. And He loves you too much to leave
you the way you are.
I’m a big fan of journaling and just recently I thanked God
for two things He’s taught me this year, even though I may have learned them kicking and screaming. And even though I'm still learning them.
He’s taught me about identity. I have said to nearly a
million (that may be a slight exaggeration) people in that past few months that
I could tell young girls all day long that their identity is in Jesus. Not a boy.
Not a job. Not money. Not a house. Not family. Not friends. Not popularity
status. Not beauty. Not anything. But it’s one thing to say that and it’s
another thing to live it. My identity is secure in Jesus, nothing more and
nothing less. When all else fails, I have Him. When all else goes away, He is
my anchor. And He is enough.
I don’t know which is more important, but besides identity,
He’s not just taught me about His nearness, He has been near. On the nights I
couldn’t fall asleep until 4AM, He was near. On the days I spent ignoring Him
completely, He was near. On the days He has been so quiet, He was near. On the
days I spent trying to hold back all the tears, He was near. On the days I
spent crying those tears, He was near. On the days I spent doubled over in
laughter because of the crazy people I do life with, He was near. I’ve never
known His nearness like I’ve know it this year, and as He says, His nearness is
our very good. I’m tempted to say it’s what’s best for us. (Psalm 73:26)
As common as it is this time of year, I was recently asked
if I had any New Years resolutions. The truth is, I don’t. I understand them,
but I usually don’t end up keeping them. Thankfully, my God is a merciful God
and His mercies are new every morning, not just every New Year. And I’m
learning that it’s the small moments between Him and me that are the ones that
shape me and make me more like Him. Yes, the big moments do, too, but the
small, almost unconscious moments are the ones I like to remember. When He’s
been near. And when I’ve been the slightest bit attentive to His work in my
life.
Today I remembered Psalm 126:5 and bookmarked it for myself.
In faith, I want to claim in over 2015.
I don’t know what your year has consisted of. It could have
been the best year of your life, and it could have been your worst. Most likely
you and God know the intimate moments and details that have made you more like
Him.
But for those who have maybe had a year like mine, can we
just take note of this Psalm? Those who have sown in tears in 2014 will reap in
joy and singing in the year to come! Yes, Lord, let it be!
2015 is upon us, friends. It’s a blank slate. Only God knows
what it holds, which is why He holds the paintbrush. I sincerely hope and pray
it is filled with joy, but more than anything, I pray you feel and know His
nearness. Because it is for your good. And He is for you. Make Him your refuge.
“But as
for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
that I may tell of all Your works.” Psalm 73:28
“And
now, God, do it again - bring rains to our drought-stricken lives
. So those who
planted their crops in despair
will shout hurrahs at the harvest,
So those who
went off with heavy hearts
will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing.”
Psalm 126:4-5 (The Message)
Happy New Year!
Posts
