Band Aids

As most of you know, I am Girls Ministry Director (a.k.a. GMD as some of my girls say) and amongst many other tasks, I get the privilege of leading a small group of senior girls every Sunday evening. It is by far one of the highlights of my week because they have truly stolen my heart. Our small groups are based off of the verse Acts 2:42 which is which is why we call them 2:42 groups as opposed to just small groups. Some things just stick! However, that is completely beside the point.

Acts 2:42 is all about the fellowshipping of believers. Praying together. Learning together and so on and so forth. It’s just perfect for what we long to accomplish through our small groups. In the Message translation of this verse one line says “the life together” meaning they’ve committed to do life together and folks that is what we’re all about. We’re all about, in our small groups, coming together as fellow believers and strugglers in Christ to simply do life together. It’s a beautiful thing if you ask me. Especially when you get a group of high school girls or guys that mesh well and actually let the group minister to them and grow them.

I’d be lying if I said at times it isn’t frustrating because you long so badly for your group to mesh and they just don’t. Or if you know there are huge issues going on behind closed doors and they just don’t care to share. Yes, that is frustrating for the mere fact that I am so jealous for them to be free in Christ. And freedom in Christ frankly, takes vulnerability. Something that I didn’t “get” until my senior year of high school.

The truth is, vulnerability takes guts. Major guts. And a major dose of the Spirit for Him to spit the thing right out of you. But, it only takes one. One girl to open up and lay it all out on the line. One girl to be the catalyst. Because let’s face it, if one person opens up to share their struggle, there is a sense of freedom in going next because you know you’re not alone. You know you’re not the only one who has royally screwed up. Ugh, sometimes I just want to beat that nameless creature against the wall because of the lies he feeds our students. Number one being, they are completely alone in whatever they’re going through. It ticks me off!

So, imagine my surprise when last Sunday, one of my girls started the meeting by sharing what’s been going on with her for the past YEAR! Yes, my heart hurt for her. Yes, I wanted to put a huge band aide on it and tell her everything was going to turn out okay. Yes, I was wishing that wasn’t true for her. But more than anything, my heart was smiling for her. You see, my number one prayer for these girls the past year is that they would leave this youth group in May with no regrets. I don’t want them to think, “If only…”. I want them to leave free in Christ ready to tackle the world that is college. The absolute worst thing would be if they left feeling like the body of Christ, the church, meant nothing for them. Like they don’t need other believers surrounding them to encourage them in their walk but that they can do it alone. Let me tell you a little secret, we cannot do it alone.

After this girl shared, almost immediately everyone else chimed in to tell her that not only was she not alone, but that they too had dealt with that same exact thing. I sat back and took it all in before I even uttered one word. It was the sweetest thing to watch. After all the girls shared their encouragement I spoke up.

Let’s face it, life is plain hard sometimes.

What I didn’t tell her is that the Lord is going to take care of it and heal hear. I didn’t tell her to not worry about it. I didn’t tell her that in 20 years this will all be gone. I didn’t tell her that it’s going to be easy.

She KNOWS all that. And knows it well. I feel like sometimes we immediately resort to saying these things because we’re not sure what else to say, when the truth of the matter is that they don’t need to hear these things, they need a listening ear. They need someone to validate their feelings. Hear them and tell them that yes, indeed it is a crappy situation.

And that is what I did. I validated her where she was at and told her that sometimes, life is stinkin’ hard. It’s in those times I feel that the Lord wants us to be brutally honest with Him instead of telling Him that we know He’s going to take care of it. He knows our hearts anyway so to tell Him that we’re confident in His timing and perfect will would be a lie. Tell Him straight up how you feel! I have found that to be the most healing thing.

What I am not saying here is that He’s not going to be all those things to her. Yes, he is our mighty healer and WILL, without a shadow of a doubt hear and heal her. But I think if we’re constantly putting a band aid on our feelings, we never let Him really heal us where we’re at. He can’t even begin to heal us if we’re not willing to own up to our crap.

However, I also did pull out some tough love on her. What she and we all need to be doing is believing what the Lord says about us and not what any other person on the planet says about us. And from there, it’s all a cycle. We start believing the lies, get caught up in some sort of sin or another, struggle with this or that, don’t bother to tell anybody because of what they might think of us, and then end up living a lie and completely defeated. All because we’re afraid of what people might think of us. Do you see it? Oh, I do.

Not only do I see it, I know it all too well. It is indeed, my testimony. Up until my senior year of high school I was a walking lie. So much was going on below the surface than I ever cared to own up to. All because of fear of another human being. Folks, what do you have to lose? Nothing. Nothing at all. You have SO much to gain when you’re brutally honest with yourself, the Lord, and an accountable group of friends that wouldn’t judge you even if you murdered someone. Disappointed? Sure. Judgmental? No way.

Needless to say, that night at bible study we spent almost 3 hours just talking about this situation. We didn’t even watch our video for that session or even speak about the fruit of the spirit we were on that week. We simply talked about life. How hard it was. I didn't sugar coat it for them. I listened, shared past experiences, and I felt that in the midst of that not only was our sweet Jesus thrilled that we were honest, but that he healed a piece of everyone's heart because we invited Him there. We welcomed Him into our midst to do a work. Yes, I did speak truth into her life because yes, she needs to hear it. But, oh, if we would realize how important it is to be completely and utterly vulnerable with Him and others. It only takes one, folks. And that one thrilled my heart because she was a catalyst for change in our group.

So, the next time I want to put a band aid on my current situation, or not own up to what’s really going on in my heart, I am going to remember my sweet girls. Sometimes life is hard, y’all. And at the end of the day I don’t want to hold anything back. I want myself and those I serve to be completely free in Jesus.

Bottom line: Tell it how it is. He already knows anyway!

“This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God.” 1 John 3:19-21

“God means what he says. What he says goes. His powerful Word is sharp as a surgeon's scalpel, cutting through everything, whether doubt or defense, laying us open to listen and obey. Nothing and no one is impervious to God's Word. We can't get away from it—no matter what.” Hebrews 4:12-13

“Mark well that GOD doesn't miss a move you make; he's aware of every step you take. The shadow of your sin will overtake you; you'll find yourself stumbling all over yourself in the dark. Death is the reward of an undisciplined life; your foolish decisions trap you in a dead end.” Proverbs 5:21-23