With Nothing in Sight

For the longest time, I was the girl whose testimony lent itself to never having gone on a date with a boy. I am sure people got tired of hearing my story, but it was mine to tell and I had no power of changing it on my own.

What always stood out to me as I told my story were the responses I received from people. The best response was when girls would ask if I ever liked anybody, to which I always replied, and probably not so gently, “Um, duh!” Or in the words of Madea, “Um, der!” Of course I’ve liked guys! I’m a girl with feelings after all. And I’ve not just liked them. I’ve had major crushes. When I fall, I fall hard. Yes, I may or may not have had a few obsessions. What you need to know about me, though, is that I’m not very fickle. When I like a guy, I tend to like him for a long time. Like, really long. I could easily have one crush for two years. I wish I were lying.

Over time, though, I have learned a lot about crushes. Allow me to share one take-away: they waste so much of your time.

I know that sounds funny because they probably don’t even realize you exist, or have the slightest clue you’re interested, but they do, they really do.

Shall I list why?

Daydreams. Oh, the daydreams. In one day I could have gone on our first date. Gone on a second date. Decided we were going to be official. Kissed him. Dated for approximately 12 months. Gotten engaged and gotten married. All in one day. It was exhausting.

Stalking. Oh, the stalking. These days stalking means “friending” them on facebook or “following” them on twitter. Let’s just admit it, we’ve all done it, and maybe we’re currently doing it. And I’m not talking about just checking their facebook once a day; I’m talking once an hour. Or every 30 minutes depending on how smitten you are.

Shall I even get started on trying to take our thoughts captive? Attempting to do that while daydreaming and stalking is nearly impossible. I can’t intentionally go stalk a guy on facebook and then try to take thoughts towards him captive. I think we’re all aware that what we really need is a major dose of self-control to not even go there. To fill our minds with the Truth of God’s word as opposed to a silly little status update telling us where He just ate lunch.

The most humbling thing, however, I’ve learned about crushes that the Lord has had to knock out of me is my feelings of control over the situation. Do you know what I mean?

My thought process went something like this: If I liked a guy and stalked him enough, then eventually he would realize my love for him and chase after me and we’d live happily ever after. In other words, I was in complete control of the entire situation. Except I wasn’t in control at all.

In hindsight, I see how completely ridiculous and insane that sounds, but that’s how I was living and that was certainly the lie I believed. On top of that, what I always failed to realize was that although I thought I had complete control over the entire situation, it really had so much more control over me.

I’m sure you wouldn’t be surprised to hear that it took a toll on my heart and my emotions. When you let a feeling have that much control over you, it is hard to focus, let alone get much sleep and rest.

Towards the beginning of February I was seriously so fed up with myself. I started to realize that I was being flat out stupid and at that time, I had a come to Jesus meeting. It was really good.

One night in particular I had been journaling and I just heard the Lord ask me, Lindsee, do you trust me with zero prospects?

In other words, if the Lord took every eligible young single guy out of the picture could I trust Him enough to provide a husband in His time without my help? Without my obsessing? Without my stalking?

For the first time in a long time I was legitimately able to answer with a simple yes.

All my worrying, all my stressing, all my desires to be in control were disobedience because essentially, I wasn’t trusting the Lord to provide that particular desire of my heart. I honestly remember that night sleeping really well and woke up feeling like I hadn’t just run a marathon.

I don’t want you to get the impression that I am boy crazy, because if you asked any of my friends or family, I don’t think they would tell you I was, but I just needed to trust the Lord to provide for me in His own way and His own time.

In the midst of all of this was when the Lord really started stirring in my heart about what was next for me. I had no idea what was ahead but I sought Him constantly until May when He started opening up doors for a job change. And more so, a life change. (I wasn’t just changing jobs; I was changing churches as well. What you may not know is that my church was my job.)

I can honestly say that these months have been the sweetest months of my relationship with the Lord yet. I stepped out on a limb not knowing what the Lord had in store, and He blew me away. My faith deepened.

You know what else happened? I forgot all about boys. I forgot all about the fact that I was single. Maybe forgot isn’t the most appropriate term, but I was so content where the Lord had me in my singleness. It was so refreshing and really, really good for me to not be caught up in some type of crush that would eventually go nowhere.

Today, I am no longer the girl that has never been on a date. In July I went on my very first, and wonderful, I might add, date. I felt so special and will remember it always. Don’t get any ideas thinking that I’m engaged and getting married tomorrow, but to have been noticed and treated like a girl should be treated on a date was the best thing I could have ever experienced.

This summer was proof to me that there are Godly men out there searching for Godly wives. There are guys out there doing it right. This I know for sure, the bar has been raised.

I can’t tell you how thankful I am the Lord allowed me to experience what it’s like to be pursued. And what did I do to be pursued? Absolutely nothing. Nada. I just responded.

What I'm not saying is that the minute you stop thinking about being single is the minute the Lord brings a man into your life. I'm not too fond of that saying because I think if the Lord placed that desire on your heart, you'll always be mindful of it. What I am saying, though, is that the Lord, I believe, teaches us different things through different circumstances. For a while I think I doubted the Lord was ever going to let me experience the pursuit of a man for myself and not just vicariously. He clearly thought otherwise.

So, do I trust Him with no prospect? Do I trust Him when the single men around me aren’t outnumbering the single ladies? Yes, yes I do.

I don’t want to be known as the girl who begged and pleaded for God to bring my man and waste my singleness. I want to be known as the girl who believed God and served Him while I was waiting. After all, is it really about me? My comfort? My wants? That’s a simple no. It’s about Christ being honored and glorified in everything.

Very recently I heard someone say that God can do more in our waiting than we can do in our doing. Let’s stop doing and start waiting. Start bringing your requests and being still before the Lord. Trusting Him for His best for us. He really can do more in our waiting, expecting and anticipating Him.

I don’t know what you’re waiting for, but I promise He’s working out the details.

You can trust Him even with nothing in sight. We have hope because He is our hope.

Oh, that we would anticipate the Lord to move in our midst. He will. I know He will.

“In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” Psalm 5:3