Hi Parents-
After some recent discussion with some parents, leaders and staff, I come to you with a sensitive subject, but one that needs to be addressed.
Recently we’ve seen some clothes at church that have been, for lack of a better term, inappropriate. The battle of modesty is one of the biggest and hardest ones we fight at church, but it is one of the most important. We want so badly to be a grace-filled church, but we also desire that our girls learn to dress modestly out of respect for both themselves and for the guys involved. You and I both know the fierce battle we all face every day, so our desire is that church can be a safe place, a place where our teenage guys can come freely to worship the Lord with little distraction.
As a church we don’t have a policy set in place as far as “dress code” is concerned, because the last thing we want to be is legalistic, but at the same time, we need your help. I always say that modesty starts at home and I truly believe it does. One mom asked me recently what a good rule of thumb is as far as clothes at church are concerned, and I told her that the best way to approach it would be if you can’t wear it to school, you should think twice about wearing it to church. I understand there are skirts and dresses and things of that nature you probably wouldn’t wear to school simply because of the comfort factor, but at church my encouragement would be to find ways to make it appropriate. That might mean wearing a camisole underneath a shirt, wearing tights or wearing a jacket or cardigan over the dress or top.
My personal mantra has always been that I don’t want to be the cause of someone else’s sin (Matthew 5:28), so I do the best I can to dress appropriately to respect both myself and the guys I’m around, whether they be the high school boys I serve, my friends or the men I work with. This is what I try to teach our girls as well. Most of them have heard me say that I’m a girl, and I work with girls, and more often than not we dress in a way that is revealing because we enjoy the attention, not because we’re naïve. I know that may sound harsh, but it’s the truth.
I really don’t enjoy focusing on the negative, but I am passionate about protecting our girls, and I’m simply pleading for your help on this issue. I love clothes and dressing trendy, and I’m here to say that you can dress terribly cute, trendy and modest all at once. It is possible!
This isn’t an email to tell you or your daughter what she can and can’t wear; it’s more of just a personal conviction and raising awareness on this issue that we tend to ignore because it’s somewhat uncomfortable and awkward, especially as your girls are becoming young ladies. Parents please help us out; don’t be afraid to speak up. Engage them in conversation about why and how we dress modestly. The way we dress, more often than not, is a reflection of our heart. Your daughter may resent you for a week, but I guarantee as she gets older, she’ll look back and thank you for protecting her.
Biblically, according to Titus 2, we each have a responsibility to teach the younger ladies to be self-controlled and pure, among many other things. I pray we rise to this challenge and do just that. All of us, no matter what age, can be learners and teachers in this area.
We appreciate each of you very much and are so thankful that you let us serve and love your girls the way you do. It is a great joy to me personally!
Please let me know if you have any questions. I am happy to help and talk!
Blessings,
Posts
17 comments:
This is really good, Lindsee.
This is really great and well said! I myself work with the young girls at my church and it's so disappointing to see them dishonor their bodies and God with their clothing. I have to remind them often that if they are wanting to portray the image of a thru and thru christian then they need to take a 2nd glance in the mirror before leaving home and ask what someone would think of the outward image they are portraying.
Lindsee, this is so well said. So so right on. And as a mother of three little boys that will one day soon grow up I say yes yes yes to this. Well done, my friend!
i love your heart and the way you lovingly share such valuable life lessons with so many.
very well written.
ps- thanks for the hair product tips too!
This was very emotional and very personal. I believe you stated your point in the most loving way possible!
Modesty is a very valuable lesson. But we are all accountable for our thoughts too.
But hope your church and you are not teaching that girls and women are responsible for the impure thoughts of boys. You used the verse about 'leading others to sin'. That is legalistic and guilt inducing to me. And a very fine line to tread.
How are the women of the church and the world at large somehow responsible if men or boys think impure thoughts ? They are ultimately respnsible for their thoughts and actions. In front of God and in the eyes of the law. If a man rapes a woman, will you ask how she was dressed and hold her responsible for her rape ? And yes, so called christian men and church leaders rape too. So please have a double sided conversation. And stop putting responsibility on women. God gave us free will. Modesty is good, but ultimately men and women are responsible for their thoughts and conduct. And no woman can be blamed for a woman 'causing him to stumble' if he lacks self control. Teaching men self control is the othr side of this conversation. Hope you church emphasizes this too.
i love you and your heart for your girls! praying for your ministry my sweet friend.. they truly are SO blessed to have you.
Very well said! God bless you for your boldness to proclaim the truth!
Also, I'd recommend that the anonymous poster read "Every Man's Battle" and "For Women Only" in an attempt to balance the responsibility that women have to not purposefully engage the thought process of men with the responsibility that men have for their own thoughts. Both are very good and very easy reads.
I agree--well said! As someone who works with teens, I completely agree that the modesty issue needs to be addressed. Kudos to you for taking the issue head-on. :)
I also understand what the anonymous poster was saying as well. So often the church points to women as being the source of all things impure (LOL) without really identifying that it is a two way street: women respecting themselves and others by dressing modestly, and men taking captive their thoughts for Christ.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Lindsee. You seem like you have a great ministry with the girls! :)
I am a new follower. I LOVED this email - so full of truth and grace! The girls, and their families, are blessed to have your ministering to them, and setting a a godly, feminine, example for them. I have three younger brothers, who speak openly and honestly with me about the struggle to remain pure in their thoughts when their sisters in christ seem to be so clueless or careless when it comes to modesty. Praying you are encouraged by the response, and strengthend (at the same time) to with stand the backlash that might come from some.
God Bless!
You go girl! And to the anonymous comment, guys are responsible for their thoughts and actions. But they also shouldn't have to worry about walking into church and being bombarded with this issue. And it's happening all over the country. As a woman married to a man who has struggled with porn addiction since he was a young teenager, I see this in an entirely different light than most. He will ultimately answer for his actions. But I'm sorry, I shouldn't see a girl (or GROWN WOMAN!!)coming out of the top of her dress/top or her crotch because her dress is too short when I'm singing in the choir. Girls know they're getting attention, but have no clue about the permanent damage their causing to themselves or others. We are called to be set apart, and I'm afraid that's something that the Church as a whole has forgotten.
Awesome post! It's a shame this is an issue, but it is a big one even in our small, country church.
this is beautiful! Very well written! What a blessing you are to the young men and women you come in contact with on a daily basis! You are a wonderful role model!
Amen Sister! Have you seen the bathing suits they have for 2 year olds? Yikes!
The letter was perfect!
Sweet friend....you can really tell that the words to these parents were thought out and prayed over, and they were spot on. While I have sadly had to have this conversation with the quite a few teenage girls, the sad thing truly is that their parents allow them to dress in that way. Kudos to you for going to the source!
As a mother of two little girls, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. Thank you for being a leader who can show these girls how to dress cute and trendy but be a modest girl of Christ.
I LOVE you!
Post a Comment