The Most Awkward Experience of my Life to Date

*If you are of the male species, I assure you, you do not want to read this post. Just move on, please. I've already had enough awkwardness for the day, and surely don't need anymore!

Today I had 4 gatherings to attend. A meeting at 7 am (yes, on a Saturday morning, and yes, I was bitter) at Panera Bread, Jazzercise, a Baby Shower, and then a Youth Worker Fellowship. In between Jazzercise and the Baby Shower, I had a small amount of time to get a few errands run, one of which was a trip to the beloved Target to get a gift for the baby shower and a snack for the fellowship.

Awesome. I had a plan and all was well.

Well, Target happens to be my weakness. The vortex makes me feel sucked in every time I walk into that store and I am instantly mesmerized by everything on the shelves and racks. It is a serious problem that I may seek council on, especially after today.

I guess since I had just worked out, I was instantly drawn to the Outerwear department. It was surely calling my name.

As I was perusing through the 75% off rack, I found some nice work out shorts for $3.98. I did a little happy dance because these shorts are actually shorts I really like but normally they are $15 and I just couldn't convince myself to ever buy them at such a price. So today I actually was able to buy more than one pair. Of course, in different colors. And we all know that with Jazzercise as apart of my routine now, shorts like that are running low on my part. So this purchase was easily justified. Well, these shorts are a little different in that they have built in underwear. Yes, I was shocked, too. But, I like them enough that if that small detail really bothers me, I can cut them out. Put them in the basket and move on.

As most of you know the Outerwear section is so conveniently placed next to the Sleepwear and Intimate section.

To be completely honest, this isn't the part of the store that you would normally find me in. My pajamas consist of shorts and a t-shirt so I have no need to really ever venture into this section, and plus, I am kind of a snob about where I get my "intimates" if you know what I mean, so really, in Target I mostly frequent the clothes, shoes or jewelry departments, but not this one.

Today, however, this was not the case. So indeed, I started perusing the delicates. And indeed, I found some delicates that I especially liked that were also 75% off so I proceeded to place those in my basket, too. I was feeling so good about myself in saving so much money from what I would normally spend on these items, so it was a good day.

After that it was really becoming crunch time, so I made my way to the baby section, where I completely drooled over everything, and finally after placing 10 gazillion precious outfits in my basket, I picked out 2 that I thought were adorable, put the rest back, and headed to the check out lines.

There was one lane that had the light on, and was completely empty, but there was also no checker present. But, I figured if the light was on, then indeed that lane was in service, so in faith started walking towards it hoping someone would come to actually check me out.

Let me do a quick review of the items in my basket:

1) A Bra
2) Underwear (Very girly underwear...we're not talkin' whitie tighties here)
3) Running shorts with underwear IN them
4) A baby outfit
5) And about 79 $1 gift bags from the 1 spot
6) Notice the absence of a snack for the fellowship. Food was the least of my concerns. It all worked out though because I took the left over delicous cake to the fellowship where it was demolished.

So, as I was walking, I hear, "Oh, hey Lindsee!" in a deep male voice.

My first thought was, "Are you kidding me, a boy is checking me out?!" Than it dawned on me, this kid clearly knows me because he said my name. I turned around to see that...

IT WAS ONE OF THE BOYS FROM OUR YOUTH GROUP. NOT ONLY THAT, HIS MOTHER WORKS WITH ME!!

Immediately I started sweating because I had no idea what to do. I was already pulling things out of my basket. And also, by this time, I was in a hurry. There was simply nothing I could do to make this situation less awkward. I mean, was I going to tell him, "I'm sorry, I need to go to a different checker because I have delicates in there that I would rather you not see!"

I tried to hide the "delicates" under things so that maybe he wouldn't see them, but he is one quick checker and the closer he got to those things, the more I cringed. I knew the major awkwardness that was about to take place, and there was simply nothing I could do.

So, there we were. As the items approached I simply turned my head, trying not to watch this tragedy take place. Yet at the same time, I've never heard anybody swipe things quicker. Youth group boy (I will refrain from saying his name!) got those things checked and in the bag faster than a cheetah could ever run. Awkward is the only word to describe the situation at hand.

I tried to strike up conversation, but I think we both knew we'd be in counseling by tomorrow to heal our wounds.

I'm not sure our relationship will ever be the same again.

After all was said and done and I had paid, I said, "Well, have a great Saturday! I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow!" In which he replied, "Actually, I am going to the Texans game!"

And I am so thankful. Because quite frankly, I don't think I could face him quite yet. I need more time. And my guess is, he does too!

Lesson learned: Next time I see any "youth group boys" and have things in my basket I would rather them not see, much less check out, I am running, as fast and far away as possible.