The Art of Being

In my flesh I am a doer by nature. I have a desire to do. To serve. To be moving around constantly. Being still does not come naturally to me.

Growing up I watched my parents serve day in and day out at our church. If there was an event, they were there and because we were under their care, we were there as well. Honestly, it wasn’t such a bad deal. My parents have been a part of the same small group since I was little and some of my very best friends in the entire world have come out of that group of people. So essentially, I was always with my best friends. I realize now that that is rare and I do not take it for granted one minute.

Actually, come to think of it, I think they initially became a small group because they were all serving together in the student ministry or in the worship ministry. Of course, people have come and gone throughout the 26 years, but they’ve consistently done life with each other for as long as I can remember.

Because my parents were youth workers, one of my favorite memories was during elementary school after Sunday school, my best friend Jen and I would head over to where the high school students met and we got to hang out with them for that hour. Although I was super scared of the older kids, I wanted to be just like them.

As I’ve matured and grown in my own walk with the Lord and developed my own faith apart from my parents, I am so grateful for their example that serving the church is important. Right before we launched Bayou City Fellowship, we were having a time of sharing and one of the men stated that he was ready to be a contributor and not just a consumer of the church. I thought that was so good. It is so easy to get stuck being a consumer of church, isn't it? Lucky for me, I’ve seen my parents be contributors my entire life. I couldn’t ask for a greater example. And they don’t just serve our church; they serve and love our city and neighbors very well also.

To say that I never thought I’d end up in full time ministry is an understatement. That was never my dream. I truly thought my calling in life was to be an elementary school teacher. I just knew that after playing school all my life, that I’d one day have a classroom of my own. Obviously, at the end of high school and even more so in college, the Lord started to move and stir in my heart a different way. In my desire to be obedient, after college, instead of buying knickknacks and supplies to decorate and fill my classroom with, I was purchasing books on all things girls ministry. Instead, I had an office at a church and would spend most of my time pouring into girls ages 12 – 18. Yes, I loved every minute.

Since I didn’t attend school to learn what the life of a full time minister was like, I learned it as I served. Sometimes, however, I think hands on is the best way to learn. So although I felt like a fish out of water most times, being thrown into it gave me a chance to learn quickly and realistically what ministry was like.

As a full time girls minister, I learned very early on that you do a lot of pouring out. Between Bible studies, retreats, camps, and one-on-one discipleship, you give a lot of yourself away.

My very first year in ministry as I was getting used to a new post-college schedule, after serving all day Sundays (which was a workday, by the way) I would typically head down to Houston’s First Baptist Church to get fed. I knew I wouldn’t last one second if I didn’t take care of my own spiritual health. That first year home from college was weird for me transitionally speaking. Although I moved back home and all was familiar, really everything had changed. Friends were married. I was working at the church I’d grown up at, and I’d just spent four years away from everything familiar building my own faith and life. It was a good, but hard year.

By my second year of ministry, because of some scheduling conflicts, I could no longer attend HFBC Sunday evening. I really missed it, but also knew that my first commitment was to my church and the girls I served and if a later small group time worked better for them, then so be it.

What I don’t think I realized until earlier this year was how unbelievable spiritually dry I was. Quite frankly, I was just coasting. Feeling stuck. I loved Jesus, but was serving more out of obligation than delight. Instead of drinking deep of Christ and overflowing, I was just giving out backwash here and there. I’m not going to say it was detrimental, but I know had I of let it last a long time, it definitely could have been. Don’t get me wrong, I was in a part of a body of believers and still attended a Bible study once a week, but even at that I was serving.

What it boils down to is that everywhere I went I was serving.

Ironically, one of the hardest parts of my transition has been resisting the urge to do, do, do and not just be, especially on Sundays. Not only was I used to serving all day Sunday here and there, but I rarely actually made it to church. I don’t recommend that, but I’m just being honest.

This past Sunday it hit me when I felt guilty for actually getting to attend church, be edified by a wonderful sermon and then went home to rest. It was a lovely afternoon and I enjoyed every bit of it, but by the end of the day I felt like I didn’t do enough.

These past two months have been lifesaving to my faith. With this new change of scenery, there has been a new sense of joy and hope. I have let others around me pour into me and I truly couldn’t ask for anything better. Believe me when I say I am soaking every bit of it up. And not only am I soaking it up, I’m being challenged to the bone again. I used to leave church and Bible study in college with new questions and convictions nearly every week. I grew immeasurably during that time, and for the first time in a long time; I’m feeling that way again.

Most of us can quote Psalm 46:10 by heart, which says, “Be still and know that I am God.” But did you know that’s not the end of this verse? If you keep reading, the rest of verse ten says, “I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Most people, including myself for the longest time, skip over that portion.

If my genuine desire is to exalt God and make Him famous throughout the world, I must be still and know Him. It doesn’t say, “do everything and know” or “be everywhere and know”, or “commit to everything and know”; it says, “be still and know”.

It’s not that I stop serving and just soak everything up; it means that I learn what it is to balance being still and doing and not feeling guilty over a non-hectic schedule. Honestly, in my desire to do, do, do, what am I trying to gain? A name for myself? The more I do the more people will notice me? The more I do the more people will affirm me? Is my identity wrapped up in my doing as opposed to my being? Where is God in that picture? These are questions I’ve been pondering and asking myself.

The more intimately I know Him, the more He will be exalted.

Isn’t that true of our relationships with people as well? The more I get to know someone, the more I come to love them, then naturally, the more I’ll want to tell people about them.

Being still is tough for a doer. But I’m learning what it is to be, so that I can know and then exalt the One who is worthy of being exalted.

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10